Obedience

Well......I haven't blogged in quite a while, not because I didn't have anything to write about but just the opposite.  There are so many topics I want to write about but I took time to pray for direction instead of jumping the gun and writing without true direction from God.  This blog was started out of obedience to God and I want to be obedient to what He wants me to share. 

Obedience is the key to God's blessings on your life.  When I first started this blog I was going through a valley so to speak, a dark time in my life.  Many times in our lives we question God as to why we are going through a valley, why us, why can't I just be happy, why, why, why?  If we will take a step back and truly look at the situation, many times the valley or that dark time in our lives is a direct result of disobedience.  As parents, we try to instill the importance of obedience in our children but yet we aren't always obedient to God.

As a mother, I have said many times to my children, "Life would be a lot easier for you if you will just obey the first time.  It's not hard."  While that statement is true it's also not true.  Hang on...don't tune me out just yet.  I'm not talking out of both sides of my mouth.  Life would be easier if we would just obey the first time.....but it's not always easy to do so.  Many times doing what is right and being obedient brings pain, disappointment, and frustration.   Disobedience isn't always a selfish act like we are so prone to think.  Many times we are disobedient because we want to make others happy, we don't want to bring trouble to others, or we don't want to bring heartache to others.  But as Christians, God commands us to be obedient.  He knows it will be uncomfortable, hard, troubling, and even sad but I can speak from experience.....He WILL reward you for your obedience.  He promises us in Deuteronomy 28:1-2 He will bless us for being obedient. 

Sadly, I can't report that I have always been obedient to God, His commandments, or His voice.  Many times, I was disobedient because I was scared.  I was afraid of what would be exposed if I was obedient.  I have been disobedient out of selfish reasons.   I didn't want to give up what I was enjoying or I had my eyes set on something that I wanted that I thought would fulfill me.  The consequences for my disobedience were far greater than the temporary satisfaction I felt at the time.  However, I can report that the blessings of being obedient are far greater than anything I could have ever imagined.   Obedience brings peace, contentment, love, honor, and most of all approval from God.  It may not seem like it at the time but it makes all things right. 

While writing this blog post, my mind took me back to when my boys were small.   They "played" church often.  We didn't have a television for many years so church, music, and books were all they knew.  Many times while cleaning the house, I would hear them in their playroom taking turns preaching and singing.   One of the songs they sang often was simple but holds a lot of truth.  It was the "Obedience Song." 

Obedience is the very best way, to show that you believe.
Doing exactly what the Lord commands, doing it happily.
Action is the key - do it immediately, joy you will receive.
Obedience is the very best way to show that you believe.
O-B-E-D-I-E-N-C-E

Obedience is the very best way to show that you believe.

As we get older our self will becomes stronger and obedience is often harder for us.  We could avoid a lot of heartache, trouble, self destruction, etc....if we would only obey God.  Just as the song says....it's the very best was to show we believe. 

Promises That Are True

A promise can be defined as a verbal agreement by one person agreeing to do or not do something in the future.  We all make promises at some time or another.  Many times we are able to keep those promises and sometimes unfortunately we aren't.  Sadly, some make promises that they never intended to keep.  The bible is full of promises that God has made to us.  He is one who never breaks His promise.  I was reminded of just that this week. 

My daughter, Kennedy, had surgery on Monday to remove her tonsils and adenoids.  Having the surgery was the best thing for her, but as the time approached I started to become very anxious.  The thought of my baby being put to sleep scared me to death.  I hated that I could only go back so far with her and then had to place her and my trust in the doctor's hands.  I tried to hide my fears from Kennedy.  She too had become anxious and was asking a lot of questions.  I assured her there were a lot of people praying for her and that God would take care of her.  I told her she needed to claim Psalm 56:3.  She repeated the verse over and over and I could tell God gave her peace about her surgery.  

We arrived at the hospital at 9:00am and headed to registration.  After all the necessary paperwork work was signed, the registration employee asked Kennedy if she minded if she prayed with her.  I was blown away.  I worked for that hospital for many years, had several procedures done there, and not once have I ever had an employee ask if they could pray with me.  Kennedy said, "Please, I'm a little nervous but I know He will be with me."  She held Kennedy's hands and prayed one of the sweetest prayers I think I've ever heard.  We then headed upstairs for her to be prepped for surgery. 

An hour or more was spent prepping Kennedy for surgery.  There were several nurses in and out of the room asking a thousand questions, starting her IV, and explaining what would be done in the OR.  I started to get nervous.  Psalm 56:3 started rolling over and over in my heart.  "What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee."  "What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee."  "What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee."  Soon, a surgical tech came to take her to surgery.  Her dad and I followed as they wheeled her to the OR doors.  Fighting back tears, I kissed her, told her I loved her, and that everything was going to be fine.  I watched as the OR doors closed and I couldn't see her anymore.  Walking to the waiting room, I again started quoting, "What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee." 

I went to the waiting room and sat down next to my mother, step-dad, and sister.  I told them she was now in surgery, I posted on Facebook she was now in surgery, and then my heart sank.  I felt helpless.  It was the same feeling I had when she almost died when she was two weeks old.  God quickly reminded me that He gave me a promise then that she would live.  He kept his promise then and He would keep it now.  I felt an amazing peace come over me.  I knew my baby would be fine. 

To fill you in on the promise He gave me when she was two weeks old is a long story.  I will give you the condensed version.  In an earlier post I talked about how history repeats itself.  Just like me, Kennedy almost died when she was two weeks old.

We were at church on a Wednesday night and she got choked on baby formula.  We didn't know it at the time but she had gastroesphageal reflux.   When she choked, her larynz started producing mucus and it formed a seal in the back of her throat.  She started turning blue.  She was not breathing.  My friend, Darla...who is a nurse, was standing nearby became very concerned.  I literally threw Kennedy to her and she immediately started CPR.  EMS arrived and started suctioning her throat.  The seal was popped; she gasped for air, and started crying.  It was music to my ears.  We spent three more days in the hospital while a battery of tests was done.  We were sent home with an apnea monitor, medicine for reflux, and were told it would most likely happen again.  I was a nervous wreck.  Susan Smith had just confessed to killing her little boys (who were close to my boys ages) and all I could think about was I couldn't imagine burying one of my kids.  I was so scared she was going to die. 

Sitting in Sunday school the next week, I was holding her and thinking how protective I was being of her but I had to trust God to take care of her.  I started flipping through my bible.  I wasn't looking for anything in particular.  I didn't stop long enough on a page to really read anything but a couple of verses jumped out at me in Exodus, chapter 1  The story was being told of how the new king of Egypt ordered the midwives to kill all the newborn males but that the daughters would be saved alive.   Every verse that had "the daughter shall live" popped off the page at me.  I began to cry.  I knew God was telling me my daughter would live.  I rested in His promise! 

You see, I've lived long enough to know that God's word never fails.  He doesn't go back on His promises.  I can recall numerous times in my life where He fulfilled promises He made to me. He is the one person I can always count on.  I've been told before it was just coincidence that things worked out, it was meant to be, and the power of positive thinking made whatever I was hoping for or needed to come true.  I strongly disagree.  I serve a living, breathing, powerful, and awesome God who cannot lie.  I choose to trust in Him than to gamble on coincidence and the power of positive thinking.  

It Is Well

The past few days I have been on an emotional roller coaster.  I have family who needs God to perform a miracle for them, friends who are in a troubled relationships, and it seems everywhere I turned I was reminded of bad choices I have made.  On the other hand, I have also been encouraged and God answered several prayers this week.  I woke up this morning though with a heavy heart.  I tried to pray but felt like my prayers were just hitting the ceiling and not reaching Heaven like I so desperately need them to.  I paced around the house for a little bit and even went for a drive.  I had not gone far when I felt God nudging at my heart to turn around, go back home, and get on my knees.  I did just that.  I fell on my knees, buried my head in the sofa, and started to pray.  Again, I felt like what I was praying was just bouncing off the ceiling.  Then the words to the old hymn written by Annie Hawks in 1872, "I Need Thee Every Hour" came to mind and start pouring out of my heart and mouth, first through tears and a broken voice and then with strength and surety.



"I Need Thee Every Hour"

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

Refrain:
I need Thee, oh I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now my Savior;
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their pow'r when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.

I need Thee every hour, teach me Thy will;
Any Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
Oh, make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son. 

Once I had finished with the words of the song, I immediately felt like God said to me, "I've heard you now I want you to listen."  I'm not exactly sure how long but I stayed on my knees in silence just listening.  I wish I could tell you He gave me direct answers to my questions, deliverance, and complete healing while I was listening.  What He did give me though was peace that He wasn't going to leave me or those that I have been so burdened for to fend for ourselves.  He told me to trust Him with all of my heart and to acknowledge Him.  He told me to give my past to Him, trust Him with my future, and to honor Him for He is my Lord.
Peace of God is an amazing thing.  Words can't truly describe what it feels like.  I got up from my knees with the words of another old hymn in my heart written by Horatio Spafford in 1873, "It Is Well with My Soul"

"It is Well with My Soul"

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well; it is well, with my soul.


It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.


This hymn has brought me through some of the darkest days of my life.  I've known the story behind this hymn for a long time and would often think I don't know how I could have gone through what Horatio Spafford did and be able to pen down those words and mean them.  Many times I would sit at our piano and play this over and over and cry.  My heart would be breaking for things that my family and I were going through but then I would start to think about Spafford.  My difficult times were/are very real but nothing compared to what he went through so how can I not say it is well with my soul?  I can say and I must say...... Even so, it is well with my soul!!!

Something Money Can't Buy

There is so much on my mind and heart right now it's hard for me to decide what I should write about first.  God is doing an amazing work in my life.  It's been bittersweet....to say the least.  In most cases when He purges things from your life it is painful but if you can just hang on long enough you will see that it is for your good and it will bring Him honor and glory.  Over the past few days He has allowed me to see a glimpse of what He has in store for me.  My prayer is I won't give up and will allow Him to continue to make and mold me into what He wants me to be. 

Yesterday was my birthday.  It was the first time since having myklm3 (Kellan, Kyle, and Kennedy) that they all weren't with me to celebrate.  Kellan sings with Beyond The Ashes and wasn't able to come home because they had a concert in Alabama.  He called though and sang "Happy Birthday" to me.  Kennedy worked hard at surprising me by decorating the house with birthday decorations and planning a surprise dinner for me.  I thought just she and I were going to dinner but when we arrived she had arranged for my mom and step-dad, Kyle, and my nephew Duncan to meet us there.  When my step-dad, Kyle, and Duncan are together there is NEVER a dull moment.  I literally laughed until I cried. 

During one point at dinner I sat there and just looked at everyone and thought I am truly blessed.  I have the best family.  My family is a diverse bunch.  We have very conservative Republicans, liberal Democrats, and some who really don't care either way.  We have some who are Baptists, Pentecostal, Contemporary, and some who are not affiliated with a denomination.  We have some who are artistic, musically talented, and an IQ of a genius.  We are loud, opinionated, and love to debate a subject we are passionate about.   We love each other, are loyal to each other, and are there for each other through good times and bad.  We don't care if someone dates someone that is another race, if someone is gay, or if they have been married multiple times.  We accept each other no matter what.  We drive each other insane sometimes but we refuse to be torn apart.  We are a family; I love it, and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. 

I received several gifts and loved each one.  The love and attention that was put into each card and gift was evident.  The best gift I received was one that money cannot buy.  I received the gift of forgiveness from someone that I had wronged.  I won't go into details as it is a private matter but I have to say receiving forgiveness is an amazing feeling.  Several weeks ago I followed God's instruction and apologized for something I had done.  I was told they accepted my apology but the words "I forgive you" wasn’t spoken.  All I could do then was pray that someday they could find it in their heart to forgive me not necessarily for me but for them.  Harboring anger, bitterness, and hatred can destroy someone mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually and keep them in bondage for a long time.  I did not want this person to go through that.  I prayed desperately for weeks that forgiveness would come.  Monday, I received an email with the sweet words of "I forgive you."   I can't begin to tell you how happy it made me.......not just for me but mainly for them.  We both are free now.  Forgiveness is a precious gift and should be cherished. 

Random Thoughts Again

I've been really busy since I got home from work.  I couldn't think of anything to blog about and didn't really have time to sit down and put a whole lot of thought into it.  So- it's random thoughts again for tonight. 

• I am still doing research on the blog post I told you about a few days ago.  I am trying to prepare myself mentally because I know there will be many who will not agree with me. 
• Kennedy and I started walking this week.  :)
• I think my dog is getting high off the candle I have lit. 
• I have received a lot of text messages, emails, and facebook messages about this blog.  Everyone has been so encouraging.  Several have shared similar stories with me, told me that they can relate, and have been so kind to tell me what they read touched their heart and helped them.  Every message has left me teary eyed.  Y'all are so sweet.  Words can't express how much it means to me.  My hope and prayer was that if I could help one person who was going through a difficult time it would be worth it all.  I can say already.....It is worth it. 
• My birthday is next week.  I can't believe I will be 42. 
• Prince will be at the Bi-Lo Center in Greenville the day before my birthday.  Tickets to see him would be the perfect birthday present.  ;)
• I love to read.  I just finished Steven Furtick's book, "Sun Stand Still."  It rocked my world.  Just like Joshua, I am praying some "Sun Stand Still" prayers.  I believe God can make the sun stand still for me just like he did for Joshua. 
• I am trying to stay awake long enough to watch the "Tonight Show"  Kyle will be in the audience tonight.  Hopefully, I will get to see him. 
• As hard as it is for me to accept.....I really don't understand some people.  (This subject will be a blog post soon...I'm sure.)
• The worst feeling in the world to me is disappointment.  It breaks my heart to feel disappointed by the actions of those I care about. 
• I have been reminded lately of something Kellan says a lot.  "He is faithful even when I am not." 
• Past behavior predicts future behavior.  It is easy to point a finger and say that about people we know who have screwed up, confessed their sin, and is trying to move on.  To be perfectly honest with you.....that statement scares me because of some bad choices I have made.  I don't want my past bad behavior to predict my future behavior.  I find myself only wanting that statement to apply to me when my behavior is good. 
• I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman.  I want to be like Esther, Ruth, Lydia, Mary, and Hannah.  The poet Janette..ikz says it best.  Watch the attached video.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs

  

Thrown for a Loop

Several weeks ago, someone made a statement that has really been bothering me.  I will get to what was actually said in a moment but I must first preface it with the following……

My mother makes the statement often, "When Fredda sets her mind to do something, you can bet it's going to be done."  I appreciate her saying that but I always cringe when I hear it.  I just don't see myself that way.  As a single mother I know there are many things I have to take care of myself.  I handle the finances, have the oil changed, change light bulbs, replace air filters, take out the garbage, cook, clean, do the laundry, provide clothing and shelter for my children, etc.  I see it as my responsibility not that I have set my mind to do something.  If something needs to be done I either do it or I hire someone to do it.  Period! 

My friend Darla describes me as very strong and independent.  Just like with mother, I cringe when I hear her say that.  I don't see myself as strong and independent at all.  I know my weaknesses.  I hate feeling vulnerable.  I have to stay on a schedule or my life will get out of control fast.  Because of an unstable childhood and marriage, I crave stability.  I had to get to the point where I looked to God for stability and find stability within myself.  I don't see that as making me strong and independent, I see it as I did what I had to do in order to survive and still do.  

As I told you in a previous post, it took me a long time to share with others concerning the problems in my marriage.  My family knew absolutely nothing concerning our problems when my husband and I first separated in 1999.  However, a few years earlier while visiting with my Mema she pulled me to the side and said, "I don't know what is going on but I want you to know there are worse things than being alone."  I looked at her and only said, "Yes ma'am."  Her words pierced my heart but also gave me courage.  I realized then that I could make it on my own and being single and lonely wasn’t near as painful as being married and lonely. 

I make the statement often, "I don't have to have a man in order to survive."  I'm sure it comes across as cocky but that is not at all how I mean it.  I mean it as I don't need a man to support me or my children.  I know some women who think they just can't function financially, physically, or emotionally without a man.  I do not feel that way.  I don't look at men as someone who is a candidate for the "supplier of my needs."  Instead, I think a man should be a woman’s partner, her equal, lover, friend, and confidant.  I have learned to trust in God for the things I need and to use the knowledge and resources He has supplied me with to take care of my needs. 

I was talking to someone recently and I shared with him how Darla describes me.  He looked at me and said, "Yeah, I see that."  It was the next sentence he spoke that has really been bothering me.  He said, "You come across as you don't need anyone."  His tone was not malicious or unkind.  As far as I know, he has no clue that his statement really threw me for a loop.  I immediately started thinking of everyone I feel like I need in my life.  I've realized since he made that statement, I have kept the people in my life that I love and need from knowing in some way, shape, or form that I do need them. I ignored the fact that everyone wants to feel needed by the ones they love.  I don't love easily but those I do love I show them love easily.  I have figured out that subconsciously I think if I admit that I need someone it shows weakness, sets me up for rejection, and ultimately to be hurt.  I lived miserable for many years and I have the mindset now that I refuse to live that way ever again.  Because of that mentality, I obviously come across as I don't need anyone.  The truth of the matter is...I do need people.  The last few weeks I’ve had to admit that to myself and now it’s time to admit it to others. 

The task before me now is to make known to the people in my life that I truly need them.  I won't name names now but I will say........If you have been an active part in my life within the last two years, please know and believe I love you and .......I NEED YOU!!!!

Stay Tuned

For days now I have wanted to blog but just didn't know how to put into words what all I have been thinking about.  The topic is controversial.  I've had several conversations about it lately and have had some people just look at me like they didn't know what to think and yet some have completely agreed.  Before I write about it I want to do some research in order to support my opinion.  My hope and prayer is it will enlighten and encourage someone who is hurting, going through a difficult situation, or at least give them something to truly think about.  We often seek advice from people who are in a position of authority, a pastor, or someone close to us.  That is all well and good if that person has been through a similar situation and has overcome it but too often those giving advice have never been through what you are going through.  I'm not an expert on the subject I will write about but I have been through it and with God's grace and help, I overcame it. 

In the mean time I want to share a couple of songs that have been an incredible help to me lately. 

"I Have to Believe" by Rita Springer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5qlEUayQAY


"Stronger" by Mandisa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emgv-VRtMEU