Me? Lord, are you sure?

Anxious, blank, numb, excited, undeserving, fearful, and blessed!  I don't know any other way to describe what I am feeling right now.  This is the beginning of a journey that I have absolutely no clue where it will lead me to or where the final destination will be.  So....let's get started. 

Place:  Warrior Stadium, West Oak High School, Westminster, SC.
When:  Fall 2009
Event:  Varsity Football Game
People:  Wanda, Karen, Becky, Me
Conversation:  God

I left my house on a warm fall night headed to watch my daughter cheer in a varsity football game.  It's what I did every Friday night.  In the south, high school and college football is a tradition, a way of life, it's a religion.  I sat with the same friends every week.  We are like family.  Wanda is the "mama" of the group. She is beautiful, kind, sweet, loving, and giving.  She is a prayer warrior.  She is very godly.  Her walk truly backs up her talk.   I love her dearly but she makes me nervous.  (That doesn't happen often to me.  I can carry on a conversation with anyone.)  She has a way that before you know it you are spilling your heart to her. 

The Friday night I am speaking of was no different than any other Friday night at a football game with my friends.....so I thought.  God had a different plan.  Walking to our cars, Wanda pulled me to the side and said, "Tell me your story."  I stopped in my tracks.  I immediately felt God whisper to me...."this is the beginning."  It took my breath away.  I gave Wanda an abbreviated version of my childhood, married life, and life as a single mother.  I talked about trials, triumphs, and times I felt like I was at a standstill in life.  We laughed and we cried.  Wanda said to me, "You have to share this with other women."  I just looked at her, eyes filling up with tears, and said, "I don't know how, I can't, I don't know where to start."     She looked and pointed her finger at me and said, "I'm going to pray for you girl.  God is going to use you."  With a lump in my throat, my heart beating out of my chest, all I could utter was, "thank you." 

For eighteen months her words have haunted me.  I've spent a lot of time praying about it and a lot of time running from it.  My walk with God during this time was not consistent.  I strayed far from Him and made some bad choices.  The last few weeks though have brought me to my knees asking God for forgiveness and surrendering to His plan for my life.

So-this blog will be my story.  You will have to forgive my writing style, grammar, and my brutal honesty.  I will write the same way as if I was verbally telling you.  I have to be true to God and true to myself.   My prayer is that if I can help at least one person....it will be worth it all.